Reawakening Your Marriage #7

1. Read Ps. 32:1-5. What is the basis of David’s joy?

2. The statement was made that forgiveness is love’s toughest work, and love’s biggest risk. Why do you think forgiveness is such a risk?

3. Read Matthew 18:22-35. Do you think this is an accurate depiction of our failure to forgive each other in light of God’s grace to us? Can you think of an example in which you personally acted this parable out?

4. How far do you think Jesus expects us to go in offering forgiveness to our spouses who have hurt us? What does that look like practically speaking? Can you think of an example in which forgiveness should be withheld? How far did Jesus go?

5. Read Psalm 86:5. What do you think it means to be always “ready to forgive?”

6. Can we forgive just “as” God has forgiven us? In what ways?

7. Read Luke 17:3-4. Can you relate to the disciples response? Does Jesus place conditions on forgiving others in this text or is He exaggerating the scenario to make a point? What do you think repentance should look like before you will forgive?

8. What does God require of us before He forgives?

9. Review & discuss the list of what forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not excusing or condoning sin.

Forgiveness is not denying your pain, hurt or anger.

Forgiveness is not stuffing your grief.

Forgiveness is not a one time event.

Forgiveness is not the same as smothering the conflict.

Forgiveness is not the same as accepting a person.

Forgiveness is not tolerance.

Forgiveness does not always mean full restoration.

Forgiveness is not forgetting a person’s sin.

Do you agree or disagree? If this is what forgiveness is NOT, what is forgiveness? Make a list of what forgiveness consists of in concrete practical actions.

10. What do you expect to receive when you ask for forgiveness? What do you give when your spouse seeks yours? How can you begin to practice the concept of outlandishly generous, unreserved, undeserved forgiveness described by Jesus in your marriage?

Reawakening Your Marriage #6 questions

1. How well prepared do you think couples are today, upon entering into marriage, to live in forgiveness?

2. In his message Russ made this statement: “Quite frankly, the great need husbands and wives have to forgive and receive forgiveness from each other is, in all likelihood, the most essential element and primary need in a marriage relationship.” In light of your own experience, how accurate do you think this statement is? Which is more difficult for you to verbalize: “Will you forgive me?” or “I will forgive you.”

3. Read Matthew 5:23-24. In what context does Jesus make this statement? How does it apply to your marriage? According to Jesus in this passage whose responsibility is it to initiate the forgiveness process? And what is the extent of the responsibility?

4. What does it mean to be reconciled? Does reconciliation always mean that the relationship can return to normal? What happens when the other party refuses to be reconciled? Read Romans 12:18. Is peace with all men possible? What is the statement really saying about our own heart?

5. How does ‘GRACE’ relate to the concept of forgiveness? Is grace fair? [cf. Eph. 1:7]

6. Read: Col. 1:21-22; Col. 2:13-14; 2 Cor. 5:18-20. What is the spiritual model that is laid out for us in these passages? How can these scriptures be applied in our relationship with our spouses?

7. Who is usually the first person in your marriage to apologize when there is a conflict? How often do you seek forgiveness in your marriage relationship? When was the last time you were the first one to say the words, “Will you forgive me?”

8. Read Ephesians 4:31-32 slowly and in at least three or four different translations. What is the crux of the message? How must we supply forgiveness to others? Read Matthew 6:9-15 and Mark 11:22-26. Why must we supply forgiveness to others?

9. What does it means to forgive “just as” we have been forgiven by God in Christ? How does God forgive? What are the characteristics of God’s forgiveness of our transgressions? List as many as you can think of along with scriptural references. [cf. Ps. 103:8-12; Isa. 43:25; Jer. 31:34; Mic. 7:18-19; Lk. 23:34, etc.]

10. Read Psalm 86:5. Most people are at least willing to forgive over time, but can you say that you reflect this attribute of God? Do you stand “ready to forgive ... to all who call upon you?” Especially when it is your spouse? Take time to pray that God would indeed flood your own heart with His spirit of forgiveness, not only for your sake, but also for the sake of others.

Week 5 Questions

Reawakening Your Marriage #5

Small Group Questions

1. What do you think of the following statement: THE BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES OF RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS, SPECIFICALLY IN MARRIAGE, CANNOT BE FULLY COMPREHENDED NOR FULFILLED BY ANYONE WHO DOES NOT KNOW JESUS CHRIST AS LORD AND SAVIOR AND IS NOT OPERATING UNDER THE CONTROL OF HIS SPIRIT? Is it valid?

2. Last session you were asked to Read Ephesians 6:10-18 and answer the following:

- Why do you think that Paul follows his section on relationships with a focus on spiritual warfare?

- Who is the real enemy of godly submission?

*** [If you didn’t get a chance to cover this question last time do so now. If you did, briefly review your conclusions.]

3. Read Genesis 3:1-19. Compare 3:16 & 4:7. In light of the previous discussion, why do you think there is such a struggle with the concept of submission in marriage.

4. With privilege comes responsibility. In Ephesians 5:23 God says that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Offer some descriptive words to describe the biblical idea of “headship” as you understand it.

- How did/does Jesus exhibit leadership over His bride, the church?

- What are some clear and practical ways that a husband can fulfill his responsibility of headship as he seeks to imitate Christ?

5. Ladies, what do you think your husband’s primary needs are in your marriage relationship? Men, what would you say?

6. Take a brief group survey. Somewhere on a piece of paper, jot down the letter “a” or “b” in response to the following question: If you were forced to choose one of the following, which would you prefer to endure?

a) To be left alone and unloved in the world

b) to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone

Obviously, most would choose neither! Ask people to share their responses and note the way the majority of men and women answer.

7. Read Ephesians 5:33 and 1 Peter 3:2. How important would you say respect for the husband is to your marriage?

- How has society/culture diminished the idea and the importance of showing respect toward the husband?

- What are some key ways in which a wife can reverse this trend in the world, the church and the home?

- How important is it for a wife to respect her husband in front of her parents?

8. How should you react when you witness an act or are part of a conversation in which someone’s husband is disrespected. Read Titus 2:3-5. What is the example and model Paul is encouraging here for both older and younger women?

9. What do you think of the statement: The more respect a husband is shown, the more love he’ll tend to give in return? Have you as a wife made an attempt to test this axiom?

10. Read Proverbs 25:11. We all need to be appreciated and encouraged, admired and respected. Men, have you done anything lately that would cause your wife to thank you? Ladies, have you thanked him? Men, how much appreciation are you showing to your wife?

11. Author Pat Morley wrote, “You and your mate are the only two people who are really in this thing together. All others will phase in and out of your life, even children... hopefully... Every precious moment a couple shares together is like another inch of growth to the root system of their marriage. The deep roots of an old oak tree make it hard to knock down.” The book of Ecclesiastes brings this truth further home. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. Who is the third strand in the cord of your marriage?

Week 4 Notes

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Reawakening Your Marriage #4 & 5

Small Group Questions

1. READ Eph. 5:22-25; Col. 3:18-19; Titus 2:1-10; 1 Pet. 3:1-6. Do you think that Christians tend to be selective in their application of scriptural principles? How so?

2. What do you think of when you hear the word submission? How would you define it? We are a visually oriented culture. Give a word picture which would describe the concept of submission as you see it. What imagery comes to mind?

3. Someone has defined submission this way: “Yielding to people, principles, and powers which God has placed in our lives as authoritative.” Do you believe this accurately describes what the Bible means by submission? Read James 4:7; 1 Peter 2:13, 18; Hebrews 13:17.

- Who are we called to submit to according to these verses?

- How has the media affected the way we view these scriptures [i.e. sitcoms, movies, music videos, etc?

- Can you give any examples of how it has affected you personally either pre-salvation or even now?

4. Ephesians 5:22-24 apply specifically to the wife’s responsibilities in marriage. Read & note the exhortations that precede this section in Ephesians 5:15-21.

- How do you think these things affect & influence what is said in Ephesians 5:22-24?

5. How do you react to the statement: We cannot be like Christ, in any way, shape or form, if we reject the idea of submitting ourselves to others. Our imitation of Christ stands or falls on it. Is it true? Take a moment to read Isa. 53:3-12 and John 13:1-17.

- Would you say that Jesus was a doormat or a servant?

- Is there a difference?

- The wedding vow states, “...for better or for worse.” In light of the previous question, what does this vow mean to you?

6. Peter speaks to wives in 1 Peter 3:1-6. Please notice the previous statements Peter makes in 2:18-25. The phrase “In the same way you wives...” in 3:1 is important. How do you think all this relates to a wife fulfilling her responsibilities in the marriage relationship?

- What do you think enabled Jesus to handle the various circumstances in His life? [Hint see v.23b]

- What are some practical applications of this for a wife as she relates to her husband? What if her husband is an unbeliever?

7. How far should submission go? God clearly teaches that as Christians we are to be subject to the authorities He has placed in our lives (i.e. parents, government, etc.), yet in Acts 4:5-19 and 5:26-29 the apostles refused to obey the authorities. What principle did they base their actions on and what implication does it have for wives?

- Can you give a few examples of when you think a wife would be justified in refusing to submit to her husband?

8. On positive note, Esther is a wonderful example of how a woman’s humble and God-entrusting attitude can influence a husband’s decisions, even when the husband is an unbeliever.

- What are some of the important elements of Esther’s exemplary attitude of submission?

- Do you believe that the power of your commitment and character as a godly wife can change your husband’s life?

9. According to 1 Peter 3:2-4 what are the traits that are most important and precious to God as it relates to a wife’s adornment? Are they physical, spiritual or both?

10. If time permits read Ephesians 6:10-18.

- Why do you think that Paul follows his section on relationships with a focus on spiritual warfare?

- Who is the real enemy of godly submission?

Week 3 notes

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Reawakening Your Marriage #3

Small Group Questions

1. Read 1 Peter 3:7 in 3 different translations out loud. What do you think Peter means when he exhorts husbands to live with their wives in an “understanding” way?

- How well do you think husbands understand their wives?

- In what areas do both men and women need to improve in order to accomplish this?

- Men, how can you put more effort into this? Give some practical examples.

2. Author Tim Elmore says that true spiritual leaders are initiators. They are hosts, not guests, in their relationships.

- Husbands, would you say that most of the time you are a host or a guest in your relationship with your wife?

- What would your wife say?

- What does being a “host” look like in practical terms?

- What are some scritpures that advocate husbands being “hosts” in the relationship?

3. If you were to summarize what you think a wife’s most fundamental needs are from their husbands, what 3 words would you use?

- Men

- Ladies

4. Men, when you hear the word “intimacy” what is your first thought? Ladies? One survey revealed that the average husband and wife had thirty-seven minutes a week together in actual communication!

- How much face to face and heart to heart time are you investing in your relationship?

- What can you do this week to improve that statistic?

5. Authors Dan Allender & Tremper Longman in their book Intimate Allies write: “Every marriage moves either toward enhancing one another’s glory or toward degrading each other ... The goal of marriage is twofold: to reveal the glory of God and to enhance the glory of one’s spouse.” Do you agree with this assessment?

- How can a husband draw out his wife’s individual uniqueness and to inspire her to live out God’s glory in ways that no one else can or should do?

- What can happen when a husband fails to do this?

6. Review 1 Peter 3:7 in different translations again. Note the terminology.

- What is your initial reaction to Peter’s description of a woman as a “weaker vessel?”

- Do you think that this statement is relevant to contemporary society?

- What kind of attitude and actions do you think Peter’s statement should evoke within a marriage relationship?

7. Gentlemen, your wife is priceless in God’s eyes. She is worth the life of His Son. She is a precious heir of the grace of God. What is she to you?

- Take a few moments right now and honor your wife by writing a simple note of sincere appreciation to her. Give it to her. If she is willing to let you read it aloud, take the opportunity to publicly declare your love to her.

8. Read Colossians 3:19 and 4:2 alongside of 1 Peter 3:7. How is the way you love and live with your wife affecting your prayer life? Do you have a prayer life? Make it a point to pray together with and for your spouse this week.

Week 2 Questions

Reawakening Your Marriage #2

Small Group Questions

1. If you were asked to pare down a husband’s biblical responsibility in a marriage relationship into one statement could you do it? What would it be?

Read Ephesians 5:25-30. The exhortation is repeated twice [Hint: v.25, 28].

2. Ladies, how would you describe the kind of love these verses command? What does it look like in real life application from your perspective? Guys, how does the concept of loving your wife as Christ loves the church play out for you?

Have you carefully thought through how you will actually do it?

3. What is Christlike love? How does He love the church?

- Describe it and support your views with as many scriptures as you can.

- Can you think of any real-life or personal examples of this that you are willing to share?

- What do you think stops men from exhibiting this kind of love to their wives?

4. Read 1 John 4:19. How could you apply this concept to your marriage?

5. How can a husband present his wife as a pure and spotless bride? Isn’t that something only Christ can do?

- Husbands, what are your responsibilities as the spiritual head of your home?

- Wives, is it difficult to let your husband do this? Why or why not?

6. How should a man protect and shield his wife from the corruption of the culture?

- Ladies, what kind of hedges would you like to see your husband construct around your marriage to keep it as pure and as free as possible from the temptations of the world, the flesh and the devil?

- Men, what are some that you have constructed? Is there anything you’re ignoring?

7. What do you think of Bill McCartney’s statement: “You can tell the depth of a man’s walk with God by looking at the countenance of his wife’s face.” Do you think it is a valid statement? When might it NOT be true?

8. “One of our greatest failings as husbands,” says Pat Morley, “has been our failure to nurture our wives.” Read Ephesians 5:28-29.

- What does it mean to love your wife AS your own body?

- What kind of things can men do to nurture their wives?

9. Read Rom. 8:31-39. We are secure because of the love God has for us in Christ. Husbands, apply this to your marriage.

- Do you think your wife feels secure in your marriage relationship?

- What can you do to more fully envelop her with a sense of security?

10. How is your relationship with Jesus? How is it affecting the security of your marriage?

Week 1 Questions from Russ

Russ's questions from the first week are below. Feel free to leave comments, follow-up questions, etc below by clicking "comments." We'll have space for comments each week!

Reawakening Your Marriage #1

Small Group Questions

1. In light of the fact that divorce rates run as high among Christians as they do among non-christians:

- Why do you think Christians aren’t better at handling the problems in our marriages?

- Why do you think there are just as many divorces occurring among Christian marriages as there are among non-Christians?

- What can we do about the very real struggles most of us encounter in marriages?

2. Read Song of Solomon 2:15. It’s not necessarily the big things that cause marriages to shrivel up and die. In fact, rather than the big things it is usually the little things that go unchecked, for long periods of time that devour a marriage. It’s the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards.

- Identify and list some of the “little foxes” you think contribute to the erosion of a good marriage relationship.

- What are you doing to catch and eliminate them?

3. What do think are some of the biblical essentials in order to reawaken our marriages? What do you do to keep your marriage fresh in order to avoid the fallout that rages all around us?

4. Read: Eph. 5:21-25, 28-29, 33; Col. 3:18-19; 1 Pet. 3:1-2, 7

- What are your first reactions to what these texts advocate?

- Are these texts relevant or out of touch with contemporary culture?

- As a husband what are your spiritual responsibilities to your wife?

- As a wife what are your spiritual responsibilities to your husband?

5. Read Matt. 7:24-27.

- Does this relate to a marriage?

- In what way?

6. In Malachi 2:14, marriage is called a “covenant.” Look up this word in a dictionary, and/or a Bible dictionary. In light of its definition draw some practical conclusions about what God has in mind for your marriage relationship?

7. Review these traditional marriage vows:

“I ____ take you _____ to be my wife / husband ... to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, so long as we both shall live ... according to God’s holy ordinance ... this pledge I make to you in good faith ...”

What do they mean to you?

What do you think they mean to God?

8. How has culture contributed to the demise of married life?

9. Read Rom. 12:1-2 and Eph. 4:17-24

How can we resist being squeezed into the cultural mold?

10. What do you think of the statement: “YOUR COMMITMENT TO THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR COMMITMENT TO YOUR MATE.”

Do you agree or disagree? Explain.

11. What is God’s ideal for marriage?

12. Is any marriage beyond God’s redemption?